So here it is, friends. I haven't posted much, but a lot of things have been happening that have kept me busy. In the last few months, I finished my first year of college, I began working at the Lodge at Bryce Canyon, I learned what it is like for my room to constantly smell like wine, my grandfather passed away, I've nearly completed an online history class, and somewhere in there, I've read several books.
The reason I am posting is not, however, to talk about all that. Today, I wanted to address an issue I have been struggling with that it seems many others struggle with, particularly in the church.
Although it is good to strive to be better and work towards becoming ‘perfect’ like Christ was, there are some folks, myself included, who take that a little too far. I am what my therapist has unofficially diagnosed, a perfectionist. This means that I hold myself to unhealthy perfect standards. While this can be a good thing (Because isn't our purpose in this life to learn and grow and become more like Christ?), it can get a touch out of hand.
I want to believe that I can take 16+ credit hours in college, practice my instruments, fulfill my church callings, eat healthy, stay active, sleep for seven hours every night, and carry a 3.8 GPA while still spending time with friends and dating a bit, but it's all just a bit too much sometimes. Particularly when the perfectionist monster that hangs from my back makes me more and more depressed when I load all of this onto my plate and there isn't always quite enough room for everything to stay on my plate. Sometimes things fall off the edge a bit and I have to play catch-up. Sometimes when the sleep and healthy eating are the things to fall off my plate, it makes my depression worse.
How do I handle it all? Well, I'm sorry to say, there are no easy answers. I can cut a few things out that will allow me space to breath, or I can very strictly plan out my time using my trusty planner, but regardless of what I do, I ALWAYS need to pray and read my scriptures. Without the Lord’s help, I could never make it through. Particularly when, last semester, I was working part time on the side at at job that made me very anxious. There was a lot of praying going on.
Something else I couldn't have done without is awesome roommates. Izzy let me rant to her or tell her about random stuff, and she was pretty awesome about listening. Misha, my best friend, distracted me from my demons on more than one occasion, and she would wash my dishes when I was just way too busy to wash them. Brandon (our honorary roommate) would and so distract me from my problems so I could have a break and so we could talk about girls. My visiting teachers (not my roommates) were amazing about texting me fairly regularly to check up on me. My bishop, my teachers, my amazing academic counselor Barb, and all my fabulous friends that lived at Snow Hall were fantastic at watching out for me, and my mental health counselor made sure I was doing a lot better before I left. Basically, my prayers for help were always answered.
Is it okay to not be perfectly on top of everything all the time? Absolutely.
As a church, it seems pretty common for many members to struggle with this particular issue. My advice to you is: “Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy path”(Proverbs 3:5-6).
As long as you have faith, pray, and trust that everything will work out if something goes wrong or you can't uphold your perfection, don't worry too much. You're human. You are not meant to be perfect just yet.
Another thing that will help the ladies in particular, don't think about it all at once. Pick one thing, do that thing, and don't think about anything else while you do that one thing. Once that's done, move to the next thing. If you are like me and you forget a lot, make a list. Then, just focus on one thing at a time. You will find that you move through tasks a lot faster when you are not focusing on all of them at the same time. And don't worry if you are not perfect at it at first. ;)
The last thing I have to share that will certainly help is to not judge others too harshly when they aren't perfect either. If you are struggling to feel adequate with your imperfections, and even if you're not, judging others for struggling with the same thing will not help you or them. If you have ever taken kids to the store or out to eat and they have misbehaved, then don't judge too harshly the next time you see a poor, struggling mom with a screaming kid at the store. She is not having any more fun than you are. Don't judge someone else for not holding good standards when you struggle keeping your own. It is far better to focus on loving others unconditionally than it is to spend all your energy focusing on the imperfections of others.
Like my other best friend Chey says, “Always try to be the Good in the world”, just don't worry too much if you can't be the Good in the World ALL. THE. TIME. It's human. :)
