"Be Ye therefore Perfect"

So here it is, friends. I haven't posted much, but a lot of things have been happening that have kept me busy. In the last few months, I finished my first year of college, I began working at the Lodge at Bryce Canyon, I learned what it is like for my room to constantly smell like wine, my grandfather passed away, I've nearly completed an online history class, and somewhere in there, I've read several books.

The reason I am posting is not, however, to talk about all that. Today, I wanted to address an issue I have been struggling with that it seems many others struggle with, particularly in the church.

Although it is good to strive to be better and work towards becoming ‘perfect’ like Christ was, there are some folks, myself included, who take that a little too far. I am what my therapist has unofficially diagnosed, a perfectionist. This means that I hold myself to unhealthy perfect standards. While this can be a good thing (Because isn't our purpose in this life to learn and grow and become more like Christ?), it can get a touch out of hand.

I want to believe that I can take 16+ credit hours in college, practice my instruments, fulfill my church callings, eat healthy, stay active, sleep for seven hours every night, and carry a 3.8 GPA while still spending time with friends and dating a bit, but it's all just a bit too much sometimes. Particularly when the perfectionist monster that hangs from my back makes me more and more depressed when I load all of this onto my plate and there isn't always quite enough room for everything to stay on my plate. Sometimes things fall off the edge a bit and I have to play catch-up. Sometimes when the sleep and healthy eating are the things to fall off my plate, it makes my depression worse.

How do I handle it all? Well, I'm sorry to say, there are no easy answers. I can cut a few things out that will allow me space to breath, or I can very strictly plan out my time using my trusty planner, but regardless of what I do, I ALWAYS need to pray and read my scriptures. Without the Lord’s help, I could never  make it through. Particularly when, last semester, I was working part time on the side at at job that made me very anxious. There was a lot of praying going on.

Something else I couldn't have done without is awesome roommates. Izzy let me rant to her or tell her about random stuff, and she was pretty awesome about listening. Misha, my best friend, distracted me from my demons on more than one occasion, and she would wash my dishes when I was just way too busy to wash them. Brandon (our honorary roommate) would and so distract me from my problems so I could have a break and so we could talk about girls. My visiting teachers (not my roommates) were amazing about texting me fairly regularly to check up on me. My bishop, my teachers, my amazing academic counselor Barb, and all my fabulous friends that lived at Snow Hall were fantastic at watching out for me, and my mental health counselor made sure I was doing a lot better before I left. Basically, my prayers for help were always answered.

Is it okay to not be perfectly on top of everything all the time? Absolutely.

As a church, it seems pretty common for many members to struggle with this particular issue. My advice to you is: “Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy path”(Proverbs 3:5-6).

As long as you have faith, pray, and trust that everything will work out if something goes wrong or you can't uphold your perfection, don't worry too much. You're human. You are not meant to be perfect just yet.

Another thing that will help the ladies in particular, don't think about it all at once. Pick one thing, do that thing, and don't think about anything else while you do that one thing. Once that's done, move to the next thing. If you are like me and you forget a lot, make a list. Then, just focus on one thing at a time. You will find that you move through tasks a lot faster when you are not focusing on all of them at the same time. And don't worry if you are not perfect at it at first. ;)

The last thing I have to share that will certainly help is to not judge others too harshly when they aren't perfect either. If you are struggling to feel adequate with your imperfections, and even if you're not, judging others for struggling with the same thing will not help you or them. If you have ever taken kids to the store or out to eat and they have misbehaved, then don't judge too harshly the next time you see a poor, struggling mom with a screaming kid at the store. She is not having any more fun than you are. Don't judge someone else for not holding good standards when you struggle keeping your own. It is far better to focus on loving others unconditionally than it is to spend all your energy focusing on the imperfections of others.

Like my other best friend Chey says, “Always try to be the Good in the world”, just don't worry too much if you can't be the Good in the World ALL. THE. TIME. It's human. :) 

Let's Talk about Love

Hey everyone! I know it's been awhile, but I just wanted to take a minute and talk about love.

Since I had a lesson on it in Relief Society last week, shout out to my fantastic RS sisters, I've been really pondering love in its different forms and how we can show love to other people in different ways.

My favorite and probably the most important is Christ-like love. There are so many ways we can show Christ-like love; this includes anything from smiling and saying “hello” to a random stranger in the grocery store to taking the time to sincerely compliment others to simply being a good friend. Something I have been working on along those lines is making a point to smile at the people I walk past, hold eye contact (yes, it's super awkward, but definitely good practice), and give a friendly “hello”, sometimes with a compliment. I do it for other people, but wow does it make a difference in my day when someone smiles and says “hi” first.

Recently, I helped plan and decorate for the institute Valentines dance, and we had a young mother with a couple of little girls come by to talk to someone. While their mom was busy, we let the girls come check out and approve our ‘princess room’, which they absolutely loved. It may not be the same girl, but I was about to cross the crosswalk in front of the institute building when this little girl rode up to me on her scooter and held her arms out and said “hug?” Who could say no to that?! Man, kids have the purest Christ-like love. It gives me comfort that people I don't even know (kids, though they may be) can feel comfortable enough to give Christ-like love to essentially a stranger.

One of my all-time favorite ways to practice showing love for the people in your life that you might be closer to is to learn the love languages. I say learn because most people have a couple of love languages that speak to them more, but not everyone prefers the same love languages. Personally, I’m all about words of affirmation, touch, and quality time. However, a large portion of my family prefers either gift giving or service, which is sometimes hard, but it's  awesome because I get to learn to accept and give love in ways that may not speak to me as much. That way, I can become better at being a more loving person, which is not always easy.

It is sometimes very easy to become hurt or offended by the things other people do that are not always kind. In my experience, if you focus on any possible reason they could have been uncharacteristically rude, you may find yourself better able to love people that are less similar to you. One of my friends was being constantly hurt emotionally by their father who disowned them but kept in contact. Said friend has made some incredibly offensive comments about my appearance, and maybe they were kind of right that I looked weird that day or any of the other days, but after trying to get to know this friend better, I came to love my friend more when I realized they were hurting as much or more than I was smarting from their comments, which was the real reason their comments were so barbed.

As an added bonus, whenever that friend would compliment me, I knew they really did think I looked good, which only helped build my weakened self-confidence. It is sometimes hard to feel loveable. So, so hard. It may cause you to feel stuck or desperate. Trust me, I have been there. The beauty of love is that because it is one of the commandments we have been given, we are guaranteed blessings of love in return. Whether it comes from strangers, family, friends, or a significant other, if we all try to show our love towards other people, we will feel the loving influence of our Heavenly Father in return.

It's not going to be easy. There is always going to be that person in your life that is soooooo hard to love. Maybe it is yourself. I know it can be hard to love myself sometimes. My suggestion is to take time and find someone you can love. Even if all you can do is look at yourself and remind yourself you are a child of God who loves you infinitely, it will make all the difference. Focusing on loving Christ-like way can definitely save. I know it's saved me almost every day of my life. Once you've started focusing on love,  let me know how it goes! I want to hear it all; the awkward moments and fails are just as good to talk about as the successes. Just because you may not be successful at loving all the time doesn't mean it's over for you. (That's  what the Atonement is for ☺.)

...“Love will lead you

Lift and find you

Flow then to others

Heal and bind you

    And will save.”

‘Tori’ by Jeffrey Bowers

And Now I'm Even Older

Well, it's been a crazy two weeks!

You know how you feel about the same on your birthday as you did before?
Yup. It doesn't seem a lot different to be 18.
The law says otherwise, though. I am now a legal adult who can sign my own papers (crazy, I know) and any future employers won't have as many rules for me due to my age. Hopefully, that means something to my potential employers. If not, there's always Wal-Mart or Key Research.

I hope I'm never that desperate. Working for an obnoxious phone survey company that will literally hire anyone does not sound like my cup of tea.

Now, it's time for some SHOUT OUTS!!!!!!!!!

Shout out to my awesome family for making it work to have family birthday parties while I was home. Breakfast parties and shopping with everyone for cake and ice cream is crazy, but better than chilling in Ephraim with the few people that stay home for the weekend.

Shout out to Kimverly! Even if she has a bad day, Kim always finds a way to keep me positive! I couldn't find a better influence and positive role model if I tried.

Shout out to the one and only Misha! Not only is she a regular comedian with a much funnier blog than mine, she is also a fantastic accompanist, a great friend, and a good example of punctuality to me. Check out her blog for some laughs! https://mishajo.wordpress.com

Shout out to Brandon and McKenzie for setting up a crazy strategy for a fun date! Even though it didn't go as planned, it was super fun!

Shout out to my friend Marco who, despite being Catholic, watched ALL of general conference with all us Mormon kids! Thanks for staying up late making conference cinnamon rolls with me.

Shout out to the amazing people in my community who smile back at me and greet me despite having never seen me before. Also, shout out to all the fantastic guys who hold all the doors. Way to be!

Shout out to my fantastic flute teacher Amy! She puts up with helping me struggle to correct bad habits and is still fantastically friendly and amazing! Not only is she a flute teacher, but she is a great friend, and I really appreciate the opportunity to work with her.

Well friends, it's been fun. Watch Facebook for any snips of concerts I can post. The music we have for our upcoming concerts includes Carmina Burana, which I have come to LOVE, and we have some fun marches and rags in band by John Williams and Billy Joel. My directors have hit a musical jackpot, so I hope you enjoy them as much as I have!

Psychology Pickup lines in Tweet form

Here are those psychology tweets as promised! Definitions are provided for those who aren't up to date on the parts of your brain, like myself. Enjoy!

(The Parietal lobe processes info about Touch)

Dude, your parietal lobe is so slow! Just hold my hand already! #awkwardfirstdates

(The Temporal Lobe processes hearing)

GRANDPA? DID YOU HEAR ME? #temporallobeisnolongerhisforte

(The Medulla coordinates heart rate, circulation, and breathing)

Medulla, Medulla, why do you fail me now? Oh, you hurt me, desert me, in my darkest hour! #psychologylovesongs #Wham #Heartbeat

(The Reticular formation regulates sleep/wakefulness and levels of arousal)

*Gives friend a hug* Hey. You smell different when you're awake. #creepyfriends #lockyourdooratnight #reticularformation

(The Cerebellum controls fine motor skills)

Wow!...Do you have any idea how thankful I am for the angel with the messed up cerebellum who dropped you from heaven? #terriblepickuplines

(The Thalamus relays and filters info from your senses)

Sorry, did you say something? My thalamus is filtering you out! #psychologyputdownstocheesypickuplines

(Hypothalamus regulates body temp, thirst, hunger, and sexual behavior)

Is it just the 100 degree heat or is your hotness just messing with my hypothalamus? #attractivepeoplemakemethirsty

(The Pituitary Gland controls all hormones)

You make my pituitary gland go haywire! #attractivepeople #uncontrolablehormones
I don't usually cry this much, I promise! #Thattimeofmonth #pituarygland

(The hippocampus creates new memories and stores them)

Let's put our hippocampus' to work, say Saturday at 6? #creatingmemories #firstdates

(Basal Ganglia directs intentional movements)

(Mine doesn't work sometimes...)

If I ever flip you off or assault you at random, it's due to my damaged Basal Ganglia. With that in mind, let's continue shall we? #thatcrazyinstructor

(The Corpus Callosum supports communication between the two hemispheres in your frontal cortex)

You're so hot you scramble my corpus callosum! <3 #brainmalfunction #LandRbrainsdon'ttalkwhenyou'rehere

(The Occipital Lobe processes visual info)

Is it just my occipital lobe, or are you drop dead gorgeous? #psycholobypickuplines



Credit for Parietal lobe, temporal lobe, reticular formation, cerebellum, and basal ganglia go to my awesome new study group who's names I don't remember.

PE vs Homicide

Despite the title of this particular post, there have not been any deaths in my PE class as of right now. However, my muscles will beg to differ.

Part of the story is that I am super out of shape. That's just what happens when Saturday workouts become a distant memory and those little nasty fairies start sewing your clothing seams up tighter at night. Unfortunately, working approximately 75 hours a week at a Scout Camp all summer doesn't leave a lot of time or any energy for exercising.

The other part of the story is that when you do 80 push-ups, 80 crunches, and a bunch of running in-between, you're going to be sore unless you are regularly doing large quantities of push-ups and crunches. Due to my practicing breath control a ton lately, I wasn't sore from the crunches. However, for someone who definitely doesn't regularly do any push-ups, let's just say my arms would have bawled the rest of the week if they had tear ducts. Even today, 6 days later, after two visits to the gymn with my roommates to lightly work-out my arms in order to make the sharp aching in my right arm go away, I can still feel a light twinge in my right tricepts when lifting my 10-15 lb backpack onto my shoulders.

Saturday was fun, because my roommates and I, after going to the gymn, stopped at Walmart for some groceries and some ice cream, then at Little Ceasar's for pizza, and we ate our dinner outside our apartment complex because the weather on Saturday was perfect. We felt good because endorphins do that to you, and we ate ice cream and pizza in perfect weather. What more could you ask for?

Today, I got an assignment from my psychology teacher to right 10 tweets on some assigned parts of the brain that apply the meaning or function of that part. The assignment should be pretty funny, so I'll be adding them to my next post.

There are 6 days and counting until I become a legal adult. I can still be entertained by the looks on people's faces when they find out that I'm still 17. 😄

It's the End of the World as we know it!

Does it seem like the end of the world is coming?

I thought so too.

In the past week, we have had three hurricanes, several fires all over Utah, the fires in Montana reached the 1 million acres burned milestone (unfortunately including the beautiful Glacier National Park), Disney's Marvel may be leaving their relationship with Netflix, and I had to run the mile on Tuesday.

Now, the mile may not seem like a big deal, and I tried to not make it a big deal, but when the world is on fire and you are breathing in all the fire crap in the air, it sure makes it easy to be light headed, have a hard time breathing, sneeze a lot, and generally feel like crap. Oh well, I stopped feeling like fainting at some point in the day. Did I mention that I'm also very out of shape?

Speaking of the world being on fire, Snow College is doing a routine fire-alarm test for every single building on campus, despite the fact that I'm absolutely positive that our fire alarms in Snow Halls not only work, but are also SUPER sensitive. Every time a fire alarm goes off in our building, I can hear it. Particularly when my roommate accidentally burned some eggs and set our alarm off just after I had woken up. This morning in particular was nice because I am already not feeling well (I possibly have a cold), and I just wanted to sit and eat for the small amount of time before I needed to go to the Library to work on some homework before class, and I had to be hearded outside in shorts and a t-shirt with no shoes (it was 62 degrees outside this morning) and walk across the road with my unfortunately sensitive feet wailing in protest.

Well friends, I'm off to class! I hope I make it up the stairs despite my protesting body.

It's all about Perspective

Recently, I have been mulling over perspective. Not my perspective necessarily (I know mine well enough ), but the perspective of others. The way others see me and the way I see others are two very different perspectives sometimes. I have been reminded a lot lately that how I think I look and sound and act are different from how others see me.

This is a picture that was drawn of me at a block party by one of my R.As (resident assistants). Both my roommate and I compared our pictures to ourselves and felt like our pictures didn't look like ourselves, but when we looked at each other's, we each thought the other's  picture was a good likeness. I was so sure that this picture looked nothing like me that I was sure that my AR must not be a good artist, but then I remembered that I had seen examples of his art, so I knew that wasn't true. After thinking about it, I came to the realization that even though I felt like I looked different, this was how my friend saw me. I was still kind of stewing about this picture and how people really must see me, and I decided that the best course of action was to color my picture to look like me so I would stop worrying about looking so different to other people.

After coloring my picture, I felt much better about the picture of me that actually really did look like me, I was just having a hard time seeing the resemblance without color.
Isn't it crazy the difference it makes when we can see the color? The picture is the same, but my characteristics are more defined.
Throughout history and even in current times, physical appearance has been a big part of how we pass judgement about others. We don't always necessarily do it in a bad way, but we as humans have judgement skills that we use to qualify whether someone looks like they would be friendly, or a criminal, or an ally. Although qualifying judgements are usually an initial judge of character, it's  a a pretty big deciding factor in who we chose to socialize with and to spend our time with.
This is why, although appearances are not the most important thing in the world, the way we appear to others matters. It's the reason we dress in uniform for concerts or wear shorts and a t-shirt when we work out or why people often dress up for job interviews. Not only does the way we appear affect other's opinions of us, but the way we appear has a big impact on the way you feel about ourselves. I find that I am often more comfortable standing up in front of people for any reason when I have put some effort into looking nice.
There are times when it's good to let go a little and not stress too much about how you look, but when you know you look good, it is easier to feel good about yourself and to subsequently be a positive influence on others who look up to you that may be struggling themselves.
Something that I have been trying hard to do lately is to eat healthier and to exercise. No, this is not an easy task, and yes, it is a life-long battle, but being healthy effects your appearanc in a positive way. Being in good health helps you to have more confidence, to be a happier person, to have better focus, to sleep better at night, to reduce anxiety and depression, etc.. And it's hard, so you have the added benefit of becoming a stronger person by doing the hard thing by eating an apple rather than chips or drinking water rather than a soda. One of the benefits of having good health is that it is not a defined thing. You don't have to be a certain size or weight to be healthy, and best of all, if you are regularly eating well, it's still ok to eat cookies and ice cream sometimes. I know I do!
My goal for myself and others this week is to think outside your perspective. Dress up a little. Maybe eat a little better than you did before. Whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself this week, do it! You'll feel better if you do.